S**t that will get you suspended from School. Part 1

This essay was one of two that got a student suspended and earned him a 0 in his exams. They also made him the President of the Writers Forum.

“Do you agree that most of the charitable work that Multinational Corporations undertake is driven by a motive to promote and publicize their own products?”

I agree. I agree as agreeably as by some rare victory of chance, two usually unagreeable mollusks might agree that to be in agreement, is to agree. I agree. You might not agree with me; but then we are not two unagreeable mollusks now, are we? Yes, I think even you would agree.

Multinational corporations exist for one sole reason that is the soul of their sole reason to exist: profits. Profitability profits them and though they might not be prophets, they are most certainly, blessed in that department.

Come to think of it, it is rather misfortunate that they are not prophets, for the profit for a prophet would have been truly profitable for all of humanity. And since they are not prophets, the profits of multinational corporations benefit none but their own inane selves.

There. My logic is undeniable. My reasoning as sure as two shores never meet.

I am a horse that eats rocks.

But that is beside the point. The point being the much-publicized benevolence of multinational corporations. If only I had some rocks right now, I would throw them at these multinational corporations. But no. That would be wrong. It would be very wrong, because I am blinded by my own maddening desire to hurl rocks. It is not that I dislike them. It’s just that I want to throw some rocks.

Vis-à-vis my blindness, it surely does not preclude the undeniable fact that these companies are doing good. Never mind their selfish motives, I say. If some rich corporation’s selfish-motive-driven-action ends up benefiting the sorry homophobes of Croatia, then I certainly do not have a problem with it.

Lets take an example here. Lets say if some giant rope manufacturer starts an advertisement campaign worldwide, proclaiming: SAVE RUSSIAN JEWS. WIN FABULOUS PRIZES! Lets say these Russian Jews in question can only be saved using the rope produced by this certain Rope Manufacturing Corporation that had advertised the plight of the Russian Jews.

Now what happens is that this Rope Manufacturing Corporation starts doling out free rope to one, all and sundry willing to go save the Russian Jews. The Rope Manufacturing Corporation hands out plenty of Russian-Jew-Saving-Rope for free, the end result being that the Russian Jews are indeed, saved.

The world sits up and takes notice. There is a rope-manufacturing firm out there that people perceive as a ‘good’ company. Suddenly, everyone starts buying rope from this Good Rope Manufacturer that had so generously aided in saving the Russian Jews who would have surely perished if not for the wonderful Russian-Jew-Saving-Rope donated by this Good Rope Manufacturing Corporation.

The Rope Manufacturing Corporation’s sales skyrocket, taking their profit ratios for a free ride in the northern stratosphere. The Russian Jews were saved, there’s a lot more rope being produced in the world and the Good Rope Manufacturing Corporation builds itself an HQ made of gold.

Everyone’s happy. We all agree. Why throw rocks at them? Feed them to me.