Schumacher may be Germany’s fastest taxi driver

BERLIN (AFP) - Michael Schumacher may well be the fastest taxi driver in Germany after the seven-times world champion shocked a cab driver by taking over the wheel in order to be on time for a flight.

Schumacher, 38, flew into the aerodrome at the Bavarian town of Coburg on Saturday and took a taxi to the village of Gehuelz, 30 kilometres away, to pick up a new puppy - an Australian Shepherd dog called “Ed”.

But when the former Formula One ace, plus his wife and two children, caught a taxi back to the airport they were short on time and, after a polite request, cab driver Tuncer Yilmaz watched in wonder as Schumacher took the wheel.

“I found myself in the passenger seat, which was strange enough, but to have “Schumi” behind the wheel of my cab was incredible,” Mr Yilmaz told the Muenchner Abendzeitung.

“He drove at full throttle around the corners and over-took in some unbelievable places.”

Mr Yilmaz was well rewarded for the unusual journey - on top of the 60 euros (88 US dollars) fare, he was also given a 100 euros (146 US dollars) tip.

Schumacher’s spokesperson Sabine Kehm later confirmed the story.

The German track ace, who now lives in Switzerland, retired from Formula One in 2006 after a glittering career and, despite test drives for his old team Ferarri, has insisted there is no chance of a return to racing.

S**t that will get you suspended from School. Part 1

This essay was one of two that got a student suspended and earned him a 0 in his exams. They also made him the President of the Writers Forum.

“Do you agree that most of the charitable work that Multinational Corporations undertake is driven by a motive to promote and publicize their own products?”

I agree. I agree as agreeably as by some rare victory of chance, two usually unagreeable mollusks might agree that to be in agreement, is to agree. I agree. You might not agree with me; but then we are not two unagreeable mollusks now, are we? Yes, I think even you would agree.

Multinational corporations exist for one sole reason that is the soul of their sole reason to exist: profits. Profitability profits them and though they might not be prophets, they are most certainly, blessed in that department.

Come to think of it, it is rather misfortunate that they are not prophets, for the profit for a prophet would have been truly profitable for all of humanity. And since they are not prophets, the profits of multinational corporations benefit none but their own inane selves.

There. My logic is undeniable. My reasoning as sure as two shores never meet.

I am a horse that eats rocks.

But that is beside the point. The point being the much-publicized benevolence of multinational corporations. If only I had some rocks right now, I would throw them at these multinational corporations. But no. That would be wrong. It would be very wrong, because I am blinded by my own maddening desire to hurl rocks. It is not that I dislike them. It’s just that I want to throw some rocks.

Vis-à-vis my blindness, it surely does not preclude the undeniable fact that these companies are doing good. Never mind their selfish motives, I say. If some rich corporation’s selfish-motive-driven-action ends up benefiting the sorry homophobes of Croatia, then I certainly do not have a problem with it.

Lets take an example here. Lets say if some giant rope manufacturer starts an advertisement campaign worldwide, proclaiming: SAVE RUSSIAN JEWS. WIN FABULOUS PRIZES! Lets say these Russian Jews in question can only be saved using the rope produced by this certain Rope Manufacturing Corporation that had advertised the plight of the Russian Jews.

Now what happens is that this Rope Manufacturing Corporation starts doling out free rope to one, all and sundry willing to go save the Russian Jews. The Rope Manufacturing Corporation hands out plenty of Russian-Jew-Saving-Rope for free, the end result being that the Russian Jews are indeed, saved.

The world sits up and takes notice. There is a rope-manufacturing firm out there that people perceive as a ‘good’ company. Suddenly, everyone starts buying rope from this Good Rope Manufacturer that had so generously aided in saving the Russian Jews who would have surely perished if not for the wonderful Russian-Jew-Saving-Rope donated by this Good Rope Manufacturing Corporation.

The Rope Manufacturing Corporation’s sales skyrocket, taking their profit ratios for a free ride in the northern stratosphere. The Russian Jews were saved, there’s a lot more rope being produced in the world and the Good Rope Manufacturing Corporation builds itself an HQ made of gold.

Everyone’s happy. We all agree. Why throw rocks at them? Feed them to me.